Do you ever find yourself after a period of strife, coming to a realization that, to put it simply, “knocks your socks off?”
The last couple weeks I’ve been struggling, and while I honestly fully expected it to be hectic, in reality given the circumstances, it hasn’t been quite as bad as I was expecting it to be so hey that’s a plus! So what threw my life in a topsy turvy chaotic upheaval? I listened to Jesus.
Yep, you read that right. It was the last day of our school year, my grandson was very ill, my adult children were going through their endless trials, my mom was still sick, the mountain of stress was still ongoing pertaining to Ben’s VLA school year, and here comes Jesus telling me that NOW was the time to stop smoking. He apparently thought of himself as a comedian, huh? There was absolutely NO way that right now I would be able to do it. None. And that is what I told him, too. And throughout the day he just kept telling me that it was time and he would see me through it. To trust him…
So here I am over two weeks later, still cigarette free and I can honestly say that I don’t crave them. I do find myself looking for them during certain situations, but thankfully he took the cravings for them away from me. Those first few days where it was the roughest, and after I cried out and told him that I wasn’t going to be able to do it without his help, the cravings went away and it’s been so much easier. Thank You Jesus!
While all that is amazing in it’s own right, what I wanted to share was my “aha” moment that I’ve had. The last couple weeks I struggled more with feeling a disconnect from him than the actual withdraw from smoking. I’ve went through a period of feeling mentally and spiritually “numb”, and regardless of how much I prayed, cried or read my Bible, I just could not gain my connection back. I felt lost and broken. Until a few days ago when I realized that all it was that I was experiencing was in fact just a break.
Jesus knew I was overwhelmed, that my plate was overflowing and needing respite. He also knows me better than I know myself and knew that had he not cleared my brain and made me “brain dead” for the last 2 weeks, I would have pushed myself more than I should have. He truly does know better than we do.
And as for me questioning my connection to him and doubting my position with him, because trust me I have many times over the last couple weeks, I sat here and laughed when it fully hit me at what I had done. While it’s common for us to listen to little nudges from him, how often do we listen to life changing commands?
“If we obey God’s commands, then we are sure that we know him. Those who say that they know him, but do not obey his commands, are liars and there is no truth in them. All those people whose love for God has really been made perfect. This is how we can be sure that we are in union with God: those who say that they remain in union with God should live just as Jesus Christ did.” 1 John 2.3-6
Even with all that said, I sit here writing this and part of me can’t help but to ponder and seriously consider that I was being tested. Something I have never been able to cope well with is silence from the one I need comfort from, and well in the last 2 weeks I didn’t have that from him like I typically did. But I knew he was still with me, and I knew he was still helping me through it even though I couldn’t feel the connection that I usually felt with him. I persevered through on the faith of knowing he was holding me up through this trial instead of giving in because of the fear that tried to overcome me.
Not only did this prove my faith in Him to him, but to and for me also. But it also showed me exactly how far I’ve come along my healing journey, and let me tell you how priceless that alone is. We can say that Jesus helped me escape from the bondage of addiction yet again, but he also set me free of the codependency bondage that has kept me in chains my whole life.
Sometimes we are given circumstances that are nothing more than opportunities to remind us of who we are when Christ is with us. To remind us of His love for us, and how he wants us to flourish and grow but we need to trust in him with all thy heart and lean not onto our own understanding… To show us that if we just give it to him, all of it, and be faithful and obedient, in time he will answer our prayers, even if it takes a lifetime for him to do so.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1.2-4
Billie is a 40-something stay-at-home momma of five beautiful children and Grammy to three grandchildren. When not wrangling the littles, she babysits for her two adult children. You will find her gardening, canning, baking, and making the most delicious meals for her family. Billie is a multitasker juggling a team of miniature tyrants, a cat, a snake, two dogs, two rats, and nine chickens. In her spare time, she enjoys reading and studying her bible. Her passion is sharing the gospel through her writing! So, whether she’s feeding your body with delicious meals or feeding your soul through her writing, join Billie as she takes you on a journey providing you with “Food for Thought.”
by leaps and bounds 
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